Im healing, I’ll get there

The night you left, im not gonna lie. I cried so bad for as long as i can remember. But the next day turned out really fine. The pain is bearable.

But to let you know, the late nights walks alone was never the same. Without your hands, all i do now is hold my coffee then stare and ponder at the moon and stars ’til i reach home.

If only you knew, i stopped listening to my phone’s playlist because im afraid it will suddenly play your song. I stopped gazing at the city lights, for it only remind me of you.

Its been weeks since the last time we talked. I’ve been trying to distance myself from you hoping that its going to be an easy healing for me. I badly wanted to stay, believe me. I badly wanted to stay and run back to where it all began. I badly wanted to stay but i realized that love must be unconditional and sacrificial.

But honestly, im so happy that once in my life, i know, we have both been sure of what we felt for each other. Believe me that i only let you go, but i didn’t gave up on us. How i wish i could run out of reasons so i can finally stop loving you.

And now, i am starting to make plans and dream again. My breakthroughs have been falling in its place one at a time. Tho, you are no longer here so i can tell everything to you. Yet God knows how i wished you just stayed. But even if i know how painful it would be, i am ready to set you free.

My heart is healing. I’ll get there.

The Truth about Where I am at

Honesty.

Vulnerability.

Hope.

I’ve been silently observing, silently hurting, silently processing. I am not sure how to even write a word and i find it hard to explain myself, but finally, certainly, i want to try.

One of the hardest things for me to do is surrender people/relationships to the Lord because of fear that I may never get them back. I’ve had restless nights crying over what went wrong, what have i done? Nights of me questioning my worth + value.

My heart hurt all over again, my confidence was shattered, my trust was completely broken, its been a different kind of hurt.

I began to ran, as far as I could, from anyone who had the potential to hurt me. I felt like I had wasted time, I had a million thoughts all at once. In all honesty I was just hurt.

But regardless of my fleshly emotions, I trust that God knows what He’s doing and He will have purpose for the pain I feel in losing these people. I want Him to clean my hands and purify my heart.

Holding unto things tightly only keeps me from giving God space to move within our situation. Surrendering is the hardest thing ever, been there, am there.

I knew my soul has been well overdue, and longing for the Lord. But everyday I am reminded that there are people all around me, championing me and rooting me in this journey.

Indeed there’s a way back home, for the wandering soul. There’s a peaceful calm, for the restless one, and if you’re so far gone you cant see the shore, just lift your eyes and look to the Lord.

5 Ways to Upsurge Self Love

One of my favorite things about Quarantine has been the upsurge of self-love. Just like everyone, we also have lots of healing and unlearning to do. And we know that begins with loving ourselves first.

So, here are some daily things I’m working on that you may want to work on too:

1. Commit on working out your inner self (Spiritual life)
You may find yourself easily distracted, discouraged and at times, falling behind. But remember that these things can only be fixed between you and Jesus. Tell Him all about it.  Read and meditate His Word. Pray and do your journals. He is making all things new for you, everyday.

2. Make healthier choices
Learn to say no to the things that risk your self worth and comfortability. Your decisions reflect your perspectives in life. When you dont take your choices seriously, you lose the opportunity to learn and grow. Stop forcing things to happen instead allow God’s wisdom to overtake.

3. Dont be too hard on yourself
As a self proclaimed perfectionist, i often get upset at myself. If your anything like me, you might criticize every single move you make. From the decisions you make, to your interactions with others, you might wonder if its too much, or not enough. Give yourself the same forgiveness and compassion you give to others.

4. Stick to your boundaries
Setting boundaries can be a daily struggle. There are lines that cannot be crossed. But as you do this, you are eliminating the tendency of rushing. The more self-disciplined you are, the stronger you become and the more confident and successful you will be.

5. Celebrate Yourself
View yourself the way God views you and you will realize that you are worth it. And when you believe that you are worth it, you will make your dreams work out. So start celebrating and loving yourself for who you are now!

The One Who Feels Like He’s Not Enough

I do not know where your feet have led you. But there are rooms for you.

You may feel such a failure now. But i want you to know that there are deals and blessings and opportunities waiting for you.

It may seem like you’re not enough but your breakthrough will soon find you.

You are not a failure for not succeeding in places that did not let you grow.
You are not insufficient for being taken for granted by the people who made you feel bad.

So don’t stress yourself out. You know you did the best you could. You’re amazing. You’re worth it. You are brave. You have a big heart to look at the good in every situation.

You are just human. You have feelings. You make mistakes. You have flaws just like everyone else. You learned so many lessons. And is still capable of knowing more.

You are not a mess, instead you are a work in progress. Dont let go of God’s hands. The same hands who will hold you when everything falls apart.

You are doing good in life. You are God’s beloved. The one who loves and trusts Him. You are enough, a thousand times enough.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.”

Its Over and Done

Your past will always hunt you. It will make you cry, make you regret and make you beg for chances. But you need to know that acceptance is very powerful. You have to accept that the past is past, its over and done, and now you have to move on.

You need to admit that you were struggling. I know. The first few days will be hard and the succeeding days will be very difficult. But the way to hold on and to let go on things depends on you. God will never use your past against you. Truly, there is no condemnation when you choose to repent. He will blot out your mistakes and He will not remember your sins.

So you need to move on and press on, on what God wants you to become. He is willing to redeem you from old bondage days to newness of life. From fear to courage, from hatred to forgiveness, from lack to abundances, from confusion to clarity and from pain to peace.

Please know that you are precious in His eyes. He honors you and loves you.

You are more than your illness.
You are more than your trauma.
You are more than your wounds.
You are more than your abuse.
You are more than you more than your mistakes.
You are more than what people say.

Remember this: You are more, you are more,
You are so much more and so much better and you need to see that.

Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

Young Lady, You Deserve Clarity

Young lady, pray for a man who’s brave enough to give you clarity before intimacy. You are worth more than second thoughts and maybes. Remember that he who gives clarity and being intentional honors the person he is pursuing.

Pray for a man who will lead you, not hide you. The human heart is deceitful, so be careful. You deserve someone who will be proud and honored that he is part of your life.

Pray for a man who will pursue you in right way. The right one will consider those who protect you and understand that their approval is as important and as valuable as yours. A man of God knows how to obey authorities.

So beloved do not let the fear of never finding the right one cause you to settle for the wrong one. Take note of this: every relationship that is not moving you towards your purpose is weighing you down. And when you choose your timing over God’s timing for a relationship, you give the enemy a chance to introduce you to counterfeits. Do not settle!

I need you to know that you are deserving of love. I need you to know that its time for you to have clarity. You are not a burden, you are not a waste of space. I need you to believe that you were never the problem.

I hope you trust the timing in your life. I may not know what God has planned, but I can assure you that His plan never fails. I hope you believe that beautiful things are in store for you. Imagine, waking up on your wedding day a couple of years now and having peace that you didn’t settle.

My love, the wait is worth it.

Songs of Solomon 2:7 “Promise me, do not awaken love until it is ready.”

Restored and Repurposed

We tend to remember someone’s mistake long ago and never grant them an opportunity to change. Because of this, a lot of people are paralyzed by the chains of their past because they are being judged for what they have done or said.

But no one needs to be stuck in their worst moments. Even you. Remember that our God is a God of second chances. You are not defined by your past. It is no longer who you are. God values you as someone whom He will use for His mighty purpose.

So remember, that even on those times that you keep messing up, your identity remains powerful. God intended you to learn and grow. Day by day He is working within you. He is cleansing you and renewing you.

You are being restored, being healed and being repurposed.

To Whoever It May Be

To love is to stop comparing.

To love is be willing to endure things.

To love is to know it for what it is.

And maybe love, is to show up for yourself and for others.

To love is to grow.

To love is to serve.

Love is to find strength in scars, love is to find peace in the chaos.

To love is to connect, to fix and fall in place.

God created love more than we can define.

Love is so much, a fresh start and a breakthrough.

So to whoever it may be, you deserve a love that will wait, stay and stand for you. ❤️

Blooming in the Right Place

In life, we try to bloom in places where God doesn’t intend us to be. We spend so much time allowing our hearts to chase happiness. We basically want to get rich, to travel and to achieve things. We long to try new things and have fun as much as we can. We tend to highlight ourselves because there’s a part of our hearts that is wanting to earn and trying to prove. Not knowing that throughout time, we are now focusing and starting to invest on temporary things.

Indeed, everyone wants to flourish. Yet a lot of people are missing out the actual purpose of it. God wants you to grow in His own process and in the right place where He wants to establish you. The Lord wants you to be the person who’s main focus is to fully trust and obey Him.

Remember that in your heart, overflows the reflection of your life. Whatever you allow to enter and go out from it, shows who you are.  There may be times that you might feel pressured for keeping it safe but that’s okay.

So beloved, start investing your life on things that has eternal value. When you know that only God can give your soul so much contentment, it will not be hard for you to let go of the temporary possessions that used to be your source of satisfaction. Instead, you will learn that a heart that stores value on heavenly things is the heart that knows where her treasure is.

Matthew 6:21 For where your heart is, there your heart will be also.

Seasons Come and Go

Seasons change. If you have a bad time now, its only for a season. They are not meant to last. Whatever happens you have to keep walking. There’s no use of looking back. No matter how painful it is right now, you have to endure it. There might be moments that you would be so consumed by the pain inflicted in your heart. But if letting go means allowing God’s plan to be fully at work in our lives, I don’t see any reason for us to look back.

In every season there is transition. Your heart is being stretched to a greater capacity. This serves a deeply valuable purpose. Its time for you to choose between the things you would drop and maintain. The Lord is now telling you to move on.

Dear beloved, you can finally walk away from your past knowing that you are no longer the person you used to be. God appreciates what you’ve done and its enough.

This is the word for you today: As seasons pass by, pursue the things that last, pursue the things that really matter.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.